Rescued From Near Death

I am lucky to be here doing well and to be alive today.
The crimes committed against me should have killed me by now.
My own addictions were at times harmful and powerful.
For some reason my life has changed as if I am living another life.

The dark days feel so recent, yet like another lifetime ago.
Circumstances are different, yet I still relive that life in my mind.
Why do those tragic days and moments still haunt me now.
I forget these things for weeks and then randomly ponder the past.

Thank you for saving me, I never could have escaped alone.
My self imposed destruction had me on a path to an early death.
So many preventable and unpreventable events were there.
For some reason I am still here and am stronger than I ever was.

Now I live my life without many regrets in a better place.
While negative circumstances still exist and I still fight my demons,
My outlook has changed and my future looks bright.
My hard work now is going to bring even better times soon.

As I prepare to achieve major goals within the next year,
I am preparing my mind to handle the responsibilities of my future.
No longer am I an angst filled teenager on the verge of death.
I am now a strong woman who is going towards the life I have wanted.

Summer Days

Days are long and bright
Sticky sweat is pouring off of me
Summer heat is here

Time to go cool off
A refreshing swim is great
Or a trip to the beach

Rain cannot be found here
A drought is upon this land
May cooler days come

Farmers have their crops
Produce is in season now
Fresh, ripe food is here

Fall is on its way
Back to school sales are here
Vacation will end

Bad Times Do Not Last Forever

Life keeps handing me wavy lines when I am looking for straight lines.
My emotions go up and down as often as the stock market does daily.
One minute everything seems good and then tragedy strikes me down.
I bite the dust like a decrepit, sick person heading to their death bed.

My mental state feels like I got beaten with a belt one too many times.
I have bleeding "scratches" beneath the surface that only I can see.
I wear my newly formed scars from my daily battles behind my armor.
I do not want anyone to see my weaknesses and negative emotions.

I desire to appear in control, content, and full of nothing but happiness.
However I have a dark, depressed side that dwells deep inside of me.
I every day I put on a happy face and show everyone that I am strong.
Yet some days that smile is a lie and inside I am screaming and crying.

I try to see the good and be thankful in all aspects of my everyday life.
Some days that is difficult for me, I am of a pessimist and realist nature.
I have difficulty dreaming and being optimistic about anything in my life.
I work hard to see the good, because I know that there is always good.

Beneath the dirt, great things can be found like a glimmer of pure gold.
I need to see that in the end that these terrible situations will not last.
Eventually something will give and a good, calm wave will come for me.
Then I can ride that wave onwards to dry land where I will be safe again.

Ten Things You May Not Know About Me Part 2

Hi everyone, I did a post about 10 things You May Not Know About Me last June during a time where I experienced a large increase in blog traffic. Now I have almost 150 facebook fans, planning a giveaway for when I reach fan #150. Tell your friends about this blog and have them like the blog on facebook! Here are ten more facts about me you may not know about me:

Ten More Things About Me

1. I no longer have a best friend, I simply have a few good friends now. Unfortunately some things don't last forever.

2. I am a business Major at Drexel University through their online program and became a senior not too long ago. I will be graduating next year!

3. I have a job that is demanding and often stressful, but I enjoy parts of the job.

4. My marriage is not as secure as some think. Working on making the marriage last, but I am not sure if we will last. That being said, I believe in giving everything as much effort as I can. I don't want to give up too easily. Makes me sad that I am going through a hard time there, but some of this is my own fault. I hope to beat the odds in my family and have my marriage stay intact; most marriages in my family don't last.

5. I am a very independent person and hate relying on others for things.

6. I am a perfectionist, especially with school and work. In some ways this is great and in other ways this perfectionism is a major flaw.

7. I am a Christian, but a gay friendly one that is pro gay marriage, and leans towards the liberal side!

8. In general I am a frugal/practical person and buy as many things on sale as I can. Especially food and clothes. I have no shame in using coupons or shopping off sale and clearance racks.

9. I lost my grandmother on my stepdad's side recently due to COPD complications. Cherishing the time I have left with my remaining grandfather and grandmother on my mom's side of the family. I will be heartbroken when they pass away.

10. I am in general a very honest person and work hard to be honest in a way that I don't come off as mean. I hate lying and I hate when people tell me lies! Honesty is the best policy.

If there is something about me you would like to know or have questions about, please comment on this post or email me at punkedpoetess@gmail.com.

An Overdue, Brief Update...

While I am currently experiencing a bit of writer's block, I have decided to simply write anyway. I have a lot on my mind lately and my life is in the process of undergoing some major changes. Some of them involve me and others involve family and friends who are going through significant changes. Apparently the way things were was not good enough, it had to change. I just want to be happy and feel free to write again with a positive attitude. I need to find a way to be happy and feel positive again. Sigh...

PLEASE COMMENT and tell me some topics you would like me to write about. That would help a lot! Thanks readers for sticking by me during this difficult time.

Fireworks

The fiery sun sets over the lush, green trees.
Fireflies flurry carelessly about the open fields.
Sparklers are lit for the small children to hold.
We impatiently wait for the feature presentation.

Fireworks have been promised to us on this day.
To ring in our day of freedom from the British.
Bursts of color illuminating the hazy, dark skies.
As the last bit of light from the sun vanishes away.

Shimmery, shiny lights dazzle the skies with beauty,
Every bit as beautiful as the freedom we all have.
Blue, gold, green, red, and other colors are seen.
They can be seen beyond the grassy,park's fields.

This annual tradition is a beautifully, bright display.
The next twenty minutes amaze the vast audience.
They watch attentively as the fireworks light the sky.
Bigger and grander the display becomes over time.

Then, we see a magnificant finale of several fireworks.
All of them shot off at the same time with a big bang.
This colorful, chaotic ending signifies the last chapter,
The conclusion of our thanks for our freedom in America.

Life is Not Fair, But Life is Still Good

"Life is not fair" is a quote often used by parents to their children and by people in general. With recent events that have happened to a few of my friends as well as myself, I can see how this is an absolute truth. I see people who are working hard to become who they want to be. I see individuals that are saddled down by sudden tragedies and heartaches. Breaks my heart to see those I love be hurt by the cruelty of life and its difficult situations. I know "everything happens for reason" as another commonly stated quote says, but sometimes the explanation behind certain events is hard to find or digest. I want to see the good in everything, but sometimes I feel unable to find much good in a world filled with bad news and numerous unpleasant situations. That being said, I will not give up on life. Life contains some great experiences and I want to see what is next for me and for others in my life. I know things will eventually get better, they have to at some point. I have been through and seen plenty of tough times in my past. Somehow I eventually moved on from those events. Surely I can make it through this set of obstacles and cross the finish line as a victor of my own demons, situations, and emotional baggage. Even if I need outside help, I will overcome my own difficulties once again.